When you are planning to get engaged or marriage, preparing for venue, guest list, attire decisions, organizing photographers, all these becomes a headache. But while doing all these, the one conversation that matters the most is about money psychology.
Abhishek Kumar, a registered investment advisor with SEBI and founder of Sahaj Money, has worked with individuals and couples on personal finance for more than 15 years. And if there is one thing he has learned, it is this: marriages are more apt to fail on matters of money than on nosy in-laws.
Whether you’re contemplating a wedding or just dreaming about a future together that lasts, these five conversations can give you and your partner a foundation that’s emotionally and financially sound.
Table of Contents
1. Be as Honest About Finances as You Are About Feelings
There are couples who can spend hours talking about Netflix shows, favorite childhood tales, or their wedding playlist, but go blank when the topic is income, loans, or credit card payments. That, says Kumar, is the first red flag.
“Money secrets are similar to emotional secrets—they become issues if not revealed,” he explains. Not discussing money can result in differing expectations, unwanted tension, and even betrayal when one realizes the other’s concealed debt or expenditure later.
You will have to start from the salary and EMIs payment. Also consider the amount of saving the partner is doing in his/her life. However, it’s not related to judgement in any manner. You are simply keeping some openness and maintaining trust.
2. Balance Joint Aims with Individual Autonomy
There is something lovely about sharing a bank account—but not the only way to harmonious living. Kumar advocates for the “three-account system”: one joint account for common expenses such as rent, groceries, holidays, and investments, and two individual accounts for discretionary spending.
This arrangement provides couples with the opportunity to chip away at shared aspirations while remaining financially independent. Whether it’s splurging on a solo shopping spree or purchasing that new gaming console without remorse, individual space in finance can eliminate tension and save for better.
“Joint accounts are wonderful,” he says, “but personal space—in emotions and finances—does not get enough credit.”
3. Have a Monthly ‘Money Date’
No, not as cringe as it reads. According to Kumar, actually, most of his clients swear by the habit.
A money date is a standard, relaxed sit-down—coffee, dinner, or even a stroll—where you sit down and talk about money without tension or arguing. This entails going through monthly bills, keeping tabs on savings goals progress, reassessing investments, or simply deciding on future expenses.
“It sounds corny,” Kumar concedes, “but this habit itself has saved dozens of couples from money stress.”Most importantly, it makes financial conversations part of the ordinary routine in the relationship, rather than an emergency-precipitated argument.
4. Be Aware of Each Other’s Risk Appetite
Not everyone feels comfortable investing in stocks. Some enjoy the thrill of equity markets, while others want to play it safe with fixed deposits or gold. And that’s fine. The secret, says Kumar, is seeing things from each other’s point of view. “One might be a stock lover, the other an FD person. The objective isn’t to change one into the other. It’s to get your investments into tandem with your common goals—not ego.”
So, talk about your risk comfort levels with money. Are you willing to take market volatility? Are you clear on the distinction between SIPs and mutual funds? Would either of you lose your cool during a market decline? It’s much more useful to find alternatives that share but don’t require consensus than to fight for consensus.
5. Future-Proof Your Partnership
Money isn’t just about the present—it’s about planning for a shared future. Whether it’s buying a home, raising children, or supporting aging parents, financial planning must factor in both dreams and disruptions. “If kids are in the plan,” Kumar advises, “talk about who will take breaks, how that affects income, and what kind of insurance or emergency savings you’ll need.”
Think about:
- What happens if one partner wants to take a sabbatical
- Are you ready for medical emergencies?
- Do you both have term insurance or health coverage?
These aren’t always comfortable subjects—but they need to be discussed. A financially smart couple is not bulletproof, but they are better at managing it together.
Money = Love + Responsibility
Money talks are generally viewed as cringe-worthy, unromantic, or worse, taboo. But Kumar’s story teaches us otherwise: When couples talk freely about money, they actually develop closer emotional connections.
It’s not about knowing it all. It’s about being willing to ask. “Marriage isn’t about perfection,” Kumar writes. “It’s about being real—both with love and with money.”
So the next time you and your husband are planning something exciting, do discuss your fantasies. Just ensure your budget, goals, and expectations also become a part of this conversation. Because, yes, a healthy marriage requires more than love—more significantly, it requires a plan.
